Swallow

Name: Robin Sex: Male Age: 29 years Occupation: Chemistry Grad Student

My first “drug of abuse” was sugar. Next in line was alcohol. I started drinking when I was about six. I’m sure I only had a few sips, but I think it may have caused my aversion towards alcohol later in life.

When I was 15 I tried LSD and smoked a marijuana cigarette for the first time. This led me down a path that I’m still walking on, although time has managed to degrade my idea of what this path is exactly. Come to think of it, I’m on a road now, not my beloved path anymore.

I eventually quit smoking weed and drinking alcohol, but my fascination with psychotropic agents had just begun.

This interest led me to taste 2C-T-2, 2C-I, 2C-T-21, 4-AcO-DiPT, MDMA, MDA, bk-MDMA, cathinone, methcathinone, GHB, 2C-C, 2C-E, DMT, 5-MeO-DMT, 5-MeO-DiPT, heroin, cocaine, salvia, kratom, methamphetamine, ketamine and PCP.

Some of them I will hold close to my heart forever, even if I never do them again. Some I’ll just never do again.

Life goes on. Sadly my tastes have changed, or my situation in life has. “Functional self-medication” is a nice way of saying something that I don’t want to think about.

I tried Valium for the first time five years ago. I don’t do it regularly. Instead I have a stockpile of benzodiazepines (Valium being but one in the benzodiazepine family) as well as the Z drugs, so if there’s ever a stressful moment or I feel like not feeling, help is only a pill (or two or three) away. Probably at my peak I would dose three to four times a week on Ativan, Rivotril, Xanax, Versed, Valium, Ambien, Lexotanil, Imovane or Soma. Not all at once, but I wasn’t opposed to combinations.

I had stopped drinking alcohol years ago, and these drugs were my beer after work. After doing downers for a while, one tends to notice that nothing is getting done. I started using Adderall and Desoxyn for those days when things needed doing. Doing quality pharmaceutical downers can be a gateway into doing quality pharmaceutical uppers. Coffee has always made me jittery.

I think I’m due for a good look at myself. I was better off walking down the path that included some of the psychotropics that hold a special place in my heart, standouts like MDMA and 2C-E, instead of the benzodiazepines. While I have regrets with most every drug I’ve done, I have no regrets with those two.

Swallow is a completely unscientific ongoing study, arranged by Reanna Alder. Results will be presented in each issue of Tooth and Dagger. If you wish to submit the contents of your medicine cabinet, please email: swallow@toothanddagger.com