G33K!

And so the shopping season sneaks up on us again. You’d think that we would have been ready for it this year, what with the writer’s strike and a lack of quality TV to distract us, but we quickly plugged that gap with Halo 3, just like I plugged that friggin’ Guilty Spark with my Spartan Laser (“I’ll show you whose ring that is, you whiny, floating bastard!”). But, since it’ll be down to the wire by the time we all put down our various videogame controllers and make the trip to try and find those few, perfect presents, here’s some advice to hopefully make that journey a little bit less stressful. DVD purchases couldn’t be easier: buy Metalocalypse: Season 1. I don’t care if it’s for your brother, your mom, your six year-old cousin Brad or your Great Aunt Enid who’s visiting from a nunnery—the horribly violent antics of Dethklok are appropriate for everyone, as is their music, which is easily some of the best metal that’s been heard in the past decade. If you live with other people and you want a nice gift that will discourage everyone from hiding out in their rooms like monks from the Holy Church of Naruto who have taken a vow of silence (and not bathing), board games are always a good option. Settlers of Catan and Carcassonne are perennial favourites and will likely spark house-wide game nights, but for people who desire less empire building and more evil Germans and living dead, there is Last Night on Earth (zombies) and Tannhäuser (Nazi occultists). And while not a board game, Guitar Hero III is available for every system under the sun and is a good way to promote house unity through having classic rock anthems stuck in everyone’s heads for weeks at a time. As usual, Chronicle has trotted out some nice artbooks for those who want to impress. At the top of the “Oooooh List” is To Infinity and Beyond, the extremely comprehensive and liberally illustrated story of Pixar. Not far behind is The Art of Beowulf, which is essential for anyone who enjoyed the movie or simply likes pretty, pseudo-Viking era pictures. Because Vikings are the new pirates. Well, actually, they’re the really old pirates, but, er, anyway… Graphic novels are a nice, intermediate range present… unless you’re buying someone the whole run of Sandman or something… that might get pricey. But generally, one will run you somewhere in the $15-25 range, which is appropriate for both pretty good friends as well as family members you don’t like much and have no idea what to buy for. This year’s hot book is Scott Pilgrim 4, and while Scott Pilgrims 1-3 are pretty much essential to understand why Scott is trying to defeat his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriends, the book is scarce and you’re being considerate and thoughtful by getting the lucky recipient the rare volume now. Younger readers are sometimes hard to buy for (“What do you mean Neal Stephenson is too dense for an eight year-old?”), but luckily there are choices. Larklight by Philip Reeve is a rollicking Victorian steampunk adventure novel for kids, and its sequel Starcross has just been released. Also, Tintin and Asterix are coming back into vogue, so make sure you stock up—all the cool kids will be wanting to show them off on Boxing Day, (“Okay, I’m Captain Haddock and you be Unhygenix!”). If you want to get the one you love a nice piece of hardware, steer clear of Amazon’s ebook reader, the Kindle, which is chock full of DRM. You can check out obligatory hardware picks like any of the iProducts or the Xbox 360 (which now comes bundled with Marvel Ultimate Alliance and Forza Motorsport 2—both of which are swell), but showing you really care this season will come in the form of a Wii. And the message the Wii sends is simple: “I know you’ve been coveting one of these but you’ve been paying off your English Lit. degree and couldn’t afford the meagre price tag. Well, price is no object and even though they’re sold out all over the city, I managed to track one down on the black market and all it cost me was a kidney and an eye. Say, you don’t need both kidneys to play Guitar Hero III, do you? Because you’re about to get pwned ‘Holiday in Cambodia’-style. Merry Christmas, sweetie.”