Bosman's is dead; long live Bosman's

Having grown up in the suburbs, I try not to complain about the so-called "bridge and tunnel people." Suburban revelers need a place to party too, but it has gotten a little out-of-hand. It's been clear for a while that Granville is strictly the dominion of frat boys and bar stars (We miss you, Sugar Refinery!). For the rest of us, there aren't that many options west of Gastown.

Unfortunately, those options are about to get even slimmer. On Friday, April 27th, Bosman's (or rather the Side Bar Lounge at Bosman's Motor Hotel-most people just call it Bosman's) will be closing its doors. A change of ownership in the hotel meant that Heather and Gino, who rent the space to run the bar, didn't get their lease renewed, and that alcohol will no longer be served on the premises.

This is tragic for a number of reasons, most of all because Bosman's served as a last bastion of low-key-itude on that side of town. The beer was reasonably priced, the popcorn and peanuts were free, and the atmosphere was no-frills. I can only recall there ever being dancing there once, when most of the bar got up spontaneously and began shakin' it to "Rock Lobster." At the end of the song though everyone froze, realized where they were, and dutifully returned to their seats.

So it wasn't for dancing, but Bosman's was a great place to drink and hang out, not to worry about how tight your pants were, and for that it will be sorely missed. Of course, there's one other thing that makes Bosman's closure remarkable: the fate of its art collection, specifically its black velvet portrait of Monica Lewinsky.

To be honest, when I heard the news about Bosman's imminent closure, the first thing that I thought was, "What's going to happen to The Lewinsky?"

The Lewinsky has a storied history. The portrait, based on an image culled from her 1995 government ID, was a cheeky wedding present given to Provincial Court Judge Joseph Galati. He then gave it to Heather and Gino, to celebrate their taking over management of Bosman's.

I should note here that my repeated attempts to contact the Honourable Judge Galati were unsuccessful. As is now abundantly clear to me, tracking down a provincial court judge is extremely difficult, especially when one is writing for a magazine named "Tooth and Dagger." The pedigree and authorship of the Lewinsky masterpiece will therefore remain beyond my grasp for this story; all I can tell you that it appears that the name "JORGE" is written on the bottom right corner.

The painting hung for a while, but was plagued by attempted thefts. When it was defaced with bubble gum, it was decided to move it to the safety of the storeroom, behind the bar.

"I don't get it," Joanne Carpenter says of-arguably-the world's greatest work of art. "In its time, I thought it was great, but now... I'd love for her to know how famous she still was in this little dive, I mean, bar."

Joanne has worked as a bartender at Bosman's for 16 and a half years.

"It's going to be hard the first day, when I realize I don't really have a job to go to. But, in some ways, we're all kind of relieved, too; it's been hard working night shifts, and you know how it gets in here."

Though not too rough, Bosman's can be a little rowdy, especially after John Cougar Mellencamp concerts. They hosted karaoke for a while, years ago, but stopped after noise complaints from the hotel above. Up until a couple of years ago-long after the ban on smoking indoors came into effect-Bosman's still let patrons smoke inside, but after getting busted one too many times, smokers were forced out to the patio.

"I was always the one that got caught," says Joanne, "and I don't even smoke." There are also mysterious rumours that Bosman's used to lock the doors at closing time and let those inside drink til the wee hours of the morning, but Joanne doesn't mention it.

"Years and years ago, it was judges and lawyers and cops; it was a hide-out," says Joanne. "A lot of people I've met, over the years, didn't even know the place existed. Well, I didn't either, for years. I found out about it when I came to visit my friend at the coffee shop [next door]."

One Bosman's effect that Joanne mentions surprises me.

"A lot of people, I must say, have met their mate here, which is very surprising, 'cos you wouldn't have thought of this place as a pick-up." In fact, Heather and Gino first met at Bosman's.

As for Bosman's last night, Joanne expects a celebration.

"Friday, I'm sure is going to be a free-for-all, for sure. I don't know what kind of specials there'll be... It'll be so sad."

So what of The Lewinsky, what will happen to this storied work?

"Everything's up for sale," says Joanne.

That includes the autographed ReBoot poster, the Charlie Chaplin poster, the TV, even the Galaga arcade game, although that will set you back a cool $1500; everything else is going to the highest bidder. Needless to say, I've put in my bid for The Lewinsky. I won't tell you how much I'm willing to blow on something that will probably-in all honestly-wear out its welcome after a few days, but I will tell you that if any of you expect to walk away with it, you better be ready to rumble.

The exceptions to the firesale are the totally out-of-place legal volumes that line one of Bosman's walls.

"The legal books belong to the hotel. They were donated many, many years ago to Mr. Bosman," says Joanne. "And these are real books. It was once quoted in The Sun that these are fake books, but they're not. And people, of course, have been stealing them, so we had to hide the rest."

Bosman's is beginning to show that its days are numbered. The "SideBar" patches have been ripped off of all the bar's chairs.

"I tell you, it's really starting to hit home for a lot of us," says Joanne. "Last night, watching the hockey game, regulars who used to work across the street, they're here. So, you know, we're starting to exchange phone numbers."

Joanne says that Bosman's has regulars in every age group; from the old timers who have been coming for years to the hipsters in their twenties seeking refuge from the terrors of Granville Street. All dreading the choice they'll have to make after Friday.

"That's the thing: everybody's saying, 'Where are [we] going to go?' I'm asking, 'Where am I going to go!'" says Joanne. "A lot of the older regulars, I think they'll end up going to the Quality Inn. That's where we're suggesting for them to go." Only Magazine has also weighed in on the matter, declaring the Barclay Hotel on Robson Street as "the new Bosman's." I haven't had a chance to check it out for myself, but I trust (and hope! And pray!) that it will be a strong contender.

As for the staff, some are headed to Dylan's, Heather and Gino's restaurant at 57th and Cambie. Joanne is planning on taking a bit of time off.

"I don't plan on doing anything right away. I'm going to take some time off. It's been hard, working the late nights."

Still, Joanne is going to miss her job.

"There's lots of good memories. I can't think of any offhand. I can think of some bad memories I don't want to remember! You know, too much tequila."

As we finish our interview and Joanne heads back to the bar, she doles out some of the comforting philosophy that bartenders are famous for.

"Everything has to come to an end."