“Claire!” “Hiro!” “Claire!” “Hiro!” “Claire!” “Or maybe the senator…” “Okay, now you’re just being stupid.”

Whether or not this particular water cooler conversation seems familiar to you, the fact is: “favourite character” discussions (or arguments) have been a fact of life for as long as ensemble TV shows have been around. (Perhaps longer: “Capulets!” “Montagues!” “Idiot!” “Mouth-breather!”)

Less frequent are discussions about who your favourite supporting cast members are, but in the case of the Venture Brothers it might be more relevant. It’s not that the main cast members aren’t memorable enough – even in a brilliantly-scripted cartoon parody of Jonny Quest, the Hardy Boys and nearly every spy movie ever made, it’s nearly impossible to take characters like henchwoman Dr. Girlfriend (who sports a pink Jackie O outfit and posesses a surprisingly deep voice) and bodyguard Brock Samson (about the manliest protagonist ever put to screen) for granted – it’s just that the supporting cast might be even more inspired. Judge for yourself:

Girl Hitler: More-or-less self-explanatory, this is the former villain turned freedom fighter who, you know, happens to share the same hair and moustache as Adolph. Defining quote? “Mess with the girl, you get the Hitler!”

Dr. Henry Killinger: Imagine Henry Kissinger. Now imagine him in a black doctor’s uniform and tiny skull mask. Give him a “magic murder bag.” You see where I’m going with this?

Jefferson Twilight: Member of the secret society The Order of the Triad and blaxploitation role-model who lives to hunt “blaculas.” Fun fact: decapitating them is the only way to kill them.

Catclops: A man with one cyclopean eye-socket in his forehead, but instead of an eye there’s a cat’s head in it. You either inherently get this or you don’t.

Molotov Cocktease: Brock’s on-again-off-again lover/nemesis who wears a slinky leather catsuit, speaks in a Russian accent and sometimes babysits the two young wards, Hank and Dean, when Brock’s not around.

Now, having seen the light, I want you to try the initial conversation with Venture Brothers supporting cast members substituted instead:

“Molotov Cocktease!” “Girl Hitler!” “Molotov Cocktease!” “Girl Hitler!” “Molotov Cocktease!” “Or maybe Phantom Limb…” “Okay, now you’re just being stupid.”

See? Much more interesting. Bone up on Season 2 and try it out at your water cooler today. (And incidentally, Hiro is cooler than Claire. He’s got a sword.)

Venture Brothers, Season 2

(Turner)

NEWS:

- In news that might be “amazing” or “spectacular” but is definitely weird, Spider-Man is coming to Broadway in a musical written by Bono and the Edge. I was going to insert a joke here, but talking about Mysterio singing “Even Better Than the Real Thing” seemed a little obscure and “Sandman Bloody Sandman” was too awful to contemplate using. So be thankful.

- China is getting its very own MySpace and in the tradition of the English-language version it’s encouraging people to spy on each other. Oh, hold on a sec’. It’s encouraging people to spy on each other for the government, not just randomly stalk people in their extended circles of friends and collect random photos and bits of information until their hard-drives are a jumbled, cluttered mess resembling the inside of Kevin Spacey’s apartment in Se7en. Yeah, that’s not as cool.

- In sort-of-related news, Dell will start shipping PCs with Ubuntu Linux pre-loaded on them, and Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer has proclaimed that the iPhone will garner no market share. I mean, seriously – you can keep tightening your grip and deluding yourself about the power of your space station, Tarkin, but this is what it looks like when the star systems start to slip through your fingers.

- And in a final story that will cause old school g33ks to try to off themselves by choking on their polyhedral dice, it was announced that both Dungeon and Dragon Magazines will cease publication in August. Remember: they can take away your gaming aids, kids, but they can never take away your 12th level Paladin.

JUST RELEASED:

In case you thought that dinosaurs and World War II soldiers don’t mix, I want you to know that you’re wrong and that the new DC Showcase collection of The War That Time Forgot will prove it conclusively. If you’re running out of cool things to stick on your notebook/car/pet/whatever, then be sure to pick up the AdHouse Sticker Pack, containing sticky goodness from such artists as James Jean and Paul Pope. Zombie killers can celebrate the release of Resident Evil 4 for the PC and world conquerors can get stoked about Catan for the Xbox Live Arcade. Fans of brilliantly fucked-up cinema will enjoy the new five-disc boxed set of The Films of Alejandro Jodorowsky. And hey: Spider-Man 3’s in theatres right now – go see it before it gets turned into a musical.