Don’t Mess With Fraser Heights

Surrey Residents out-NIMBY Vancouver by firing paintballs at a sex-offender’s house, uttering threats, and by holding a big “once a pervert always a pervert” rally at the local high school. Paul Callow, who served 20 years in jail for sexual assault, says he is fully recovered and concerned for the safety of his family. Witnesses saw a jalopy packed full of young NASCAR fans wearing straw hats, blasting Kid Rock, chewing on some knee-jerky, and shouting slogans such as “Git R Done”.

Hasta La Vista, Ice Caps.

While Campbell was slutting it up in photo-op heaven with Schwarzenegger, the Governator is not considered so green friendly at home. Get out! Next you’re going to tell me he isn’t actually Danny DeVito’s twin.

Fawlty Leader

German right wing chancellor Angela Merkel chastises Harper on Kyoto. Don’t mention global warming. I did, but I think I got away with it.

A Room With a View?

A 50-metre observation tower has been proposed as a tourist attraction for Vancouver’s Queen Elizabeth Park, the highest point of land in the city. However, the trees surrounding the park’s viewpoints have matured and now block some of that view. That’s great, now all they need is giant fans to blow the smog out of the way.

Special Olympics

Vancouver Mayor Sam Sullivan says the Provincial Government may be considering re-opening parts of Riverview Hospital to house the 1,500-plus people living with diagnosed and untreated mental illness on the streets of Vancouver. It will be the first Olympic venue to be done under budget and ahead of schedule.

The Greatest Displace on Earth

A new international study shows millions have been displaced by the Olympics. Study? Yeah, by who? Experts? Pfft. They are so totally biased. But VANOC on the other hand… It released its own report card. Surprisingly, they got straight As. Wow, I thought they were doing kinda bad. Oh well, if VANOC says VANOC is doing great, that’s good enough for me.

Don’t just stand there

The Straight reports that the City of Vancouver has put up two “No Loitering” signs on the Main Street sidewalk in front of the Carnegie Community Centre. Um, you do know that there is a massive police headquarters about a block away, right? No, but you’re right, those signs will totally work. I know everytime I see a No Loitering sign I quickly cease in all my dealings of opiates and proceed to the nearest designated area. Meanwhile, a Vancouver man was tackled for “jaywalking while black”. Welcome to civil city.

Insite outta sight?

“Science says safe injection works. So why shut it down?” Scientists? Fuck those guys with their independent, objective, cold-hard facts. Nerds! While FOI requests have revealed that the federal health minister was against the idea from the start, based on science of course, not an ideological agenda, silly.