Notice that they aren’t buying icebreakers.


Ottawa buying up to 8 Arctic patrol ships. To patrol what exactly? A suspicious lack of polar bears? Is there a menacing polar bear thief? Ottawa should buy a Chuck Norris instead.


War on Error


Dirty bombs missing in Canada. Oops! We got so distracted making new enemies by invading a country that never attacked us; we forgot to put a padlock on the shed where we keep the nukes. While Ottawa certainly has their priorities straight: New futuristic fighter jets cost $4 billion. Because that’s how you fight the war on terror. Anybody remember the Maginot Line?


Traffic


Canada steps into void left by U.S.-Colombia rift: “In a thinly veiled slap at U.S. congressional Democrats who oppose a trade deal with Colombia due to rights concerns, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper used a trip to Bogota to present himself as a steadier ally”. Yeah! Take that Democrats! Always caring about human rights and shit. You guys are suckers!





Canary in a Coal Mine?


Controversial plan to staff a proposed underground coal mine in northeastern British Columbia with workers from China appears to have the support of the Campbell administration. Because colonialism was so much fun the first time around, we’re gonna try it again!


Dollars to Doughnuts


Government campaigns for health, spends $146,000 on doughnuts and pizza. The real shame is the $39,503 spent at Boston Pizza. Not the amount of money, but the choice of restaurant. This is where our leaders eat? Meanwhile Campbell spends 10 million dollars to show how much money we are spending on health care, reaches no consensus.


Vancouver Spun


“But here’s the minister as a free-riding dude, hard-core on the Shore. Sweet!” That is an actual quote from The Vancouver Sun. I wonder where their allegiances lie? Hmm, maybe this Freudian slip reveals more: “Some believe Falcon is a possible successor to Campbell should the premier seek a third term, which would end in 2113. ” Another 105 years of Campbell? I just killed myself a little bit.


Told you so


Vancouver Drops Olympics Housing Pledge. In a series of 6-5 votes, the NPA strong-armed Vancouver City Council into approving a misleading report that asserts that the housing recommendations developed for VANOC are “not binding.” OH WHAT A GIVEAWAY! Did you hear that? That’s what I’m on about. You saw him repressing me didn’t you?


Pepper? I put it on my plate. Part two.


Sechelt band furious over pepper spray incident. Hey RCMP, macing a fucking baby might not be the best way to repair your battered image.


Who says cops are just testosterone-fueled rage-jocks?


Three Vancouver officers under investigation after Granville Street fight. After months of bemoaning the escalating violence in the so-called night club district, the VPD realize that there really is no difference between them and the suburban hooligans they claim to be policing, so instead they’re going to team up and waste on some junkies.


Spam Sullivan


Mayor Supports Consultation Process & Planning Toward Millennium Line Completion. Is this all a mayor has to do? Send out a press release every time a vaguely thoughtful ‘planning initiative’, ‘consultation process’ or ‘proposed trial’ crosses your desk? Meanwhile Evergreen Line vs Millennium Line extension could pit mayor against mayor. I can just picture the super tight spandex leotards now.


Unfair Hike


Fare hike proposal approved despite protests. Man, the Translink Board is in for a rough ride the next election. Oh wait, they don’t get elected. Meanwhile, SkyTrain turns profit of $2.72m for 2006.


To China, with love


Vision councillors Raymond Louie and George Chow turn down proposal to travel to Beijing 2008 “Although I’m flattered that Mayor Sullivan thinks his presence will be so weak that he needs Vision Vancouver to bolster him, it’s simply not a good use of our citizens’ money.” OH SNAP!


Honourable mentions:


-Stevenson guilty of impaired driving in May 2006 incident. ‘Honestly, I was going to tell you guys, it just slipped my mind’.


-Vancouver city clerk Syd Baxter accuses British Columbia Federation of Labour executive director Geoff Meggs of “engineering” a potential strike by civic workers.


- John Graham loses extradition appeal. Its Leonard Peltier all over again.


-B.C. desperate in Tsawwassen vote: “In the old days you might have used a Hudson’s Bay blanket, some musket shot, a new suit for the chief and a bit of rum. Not much has changed. Today’s Indian agents simply have newer trinkets and nicer suits but they are still up to their old tricks”. Harsh!


- While Larry Campbell says pot possession should result in fine not criminal record. You know you’re from BC when…